


wrapped in cotton cloth (masked in self contempt)

by givebackmylifecas



Category: La casa de papel | Money Heist (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Crack Treated Seriously, Fluff, Happy Ending, M/M, Martín is part of the first heist, Self-Esteem Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-16
Updated: 2020-09-16
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:42:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,262
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26487373
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/givebackmylifecas/pseuds/givebackmylifecas
Summary: The first time he tries, it’s the day after. It’s not even been eight hours since Martín snapped, kissed Andrés, told him to fuck off, and then by some miracle Andrés kissed him back.aka four times martín tries to break up with andrés and one time he succeeds (sort of)
Relationships: Berlin | Andrés de Fonollosa/Palermo | Martín Berrote
Comments: 16
Kudos: 135





	wrapped in cotton cloth (masked in self contempt)

**Author's Note:**

> i swear this is nowhere near as angsty as it sounds!
> 
> title from the active child song 'cruel world'
> 
> TWs for martín's canon-typical behaviour that can be seen as suicidal, self-esteem issues

**I.**

The first time he tries, it’s the day after. It’s not even been eight hours since Martín snapped, kissed Andrés, told him to fuck off, and then by some miracle Andrés kissed him back.

Andrés is still asleep, eyes screwed shut against the bright daylight filtering in through a gap in the velvet curtains Martín remembers helping Andrés install in the chapel.

There’s a light dusting of stubble already starting to grow in on Andrés’ cheeks and Martín reaches out to run his fingers over it. It scratches against his fingertips and though it doesn’t wake Andrés, the sensation suddenly hits Martín as real – far too real.

Until now he could still convince himself that this is all a dream. It wouldn’t be the first time, it’s not like he ever really dreams of anything else, not anymore. But Andrés is solid under his hands, his skin warm to the touch, the tiny bristles making a scraping noise as Martín strokes them.

Andrés shifts, curling an arm around Martín and shuffling closer. Martín sighs and moves into the warmth almost reflexively. It’s everything he’s ever wanted and he knows, deep in his heart that it won’t last, can’t last. Above all Martín is a logical man and he knows if he had to chart his life on a graph, this would be an aberration – a large one.

He presses his face to Andrés’ neck, leaving a lingering kiss before he pulls away and makes to get out of bed. Except that Andrés’ grip on him tightens enough to stop him from moving.

“Where are you going?” Andrés mumbles, blinking sleepily at Martín.

“Back to my room,” Martín says stiffly, tensing under Andrés’ hands.

“Why?”

Andrés frowns and Martín’s heart twinges, but he knows he needs to get out before his heart is broken. “Because,” he says. “We both know that… whatever last night was, it won’t last.”

“Martín,” Andrés says, letting go him long enough to sit up and then his hands are back, one on the back of Martín’s neck, the other on his cheek. “Why would you say that? What happened between last night and now to make you so sure that this isn’t going anywhere?”

“Because I know you,” Martín admits and Andrés actually looks hurt. “But more importantly, I know myself. I’m not what you want, not for more than a few nights. Please don’t think that I don’t want you, I do… but I can’t have you and then lose you.”

He blinks hard, trying to will away the tears forming in his eyes. When he looks up at Andrés, he doesn’t see anger or resentment, but to his shock, there’s only a fond smile on his face.

“For someone so very smart, you truly do say the most ludicrous things,” Andrés tells him, wiping away the few tears that have escaped and made their way down Martín’s face. “What I told you last night, have you forgotten it all? What I felt, for those women I was married to, for the ones I spent any time with. It all pales in comparison to you Martín, and it always will. I’m a man of convictions, I know you’d never deny that. So please don’t disparage my promises and my commitments to you so easily.”

Martín swallows, unsure for maybe the first time in his life of what to say. Thankfully Andrés doesn’t seem to need an answer, drawing Martín into a kiss that leaves him gasping for air when they finally part.

“You’re ridiculous, and I love you,” Andrés says through a smile that he presses into Martín’s skin. “And this is for as long as you want me, not the other way around because I’ll always want you.”

Martín shakes his head disbelievingly. “What if you meet someone else? A woman even more beautiful than… Tatiana? What then?”

Andrés shrugs. “Then I’ve met a beautiful woman. And I’ll still love you. If you don’t love me or want this, then I won’t force you to do anything. But don’t sabotage yourself because you’re scared.”

“Of course I’m scared,” Martín hisses. “I’ve been in love with you for years, Andrés, and all of a sudden, you decide you love me back? That’s fucking terrifying!”

“It’s not all of a sudden,” Andrés says, looking more contrite that Martín has ever seen. “I’ve… I’ve been a coward, Martín. I thought last night, when I told you how I felt it might have been too late and then… and then you kissed me and I thought maybe I still have a chance with you. Am I wrong?”

“Fuck,” Martín swears. “Of course you have a chance, you have all the chances – you’re it for me, Andrés.”

Andrés kisses him again – and again after that. “Good, then can we go back to sleep? I seem to have found myself extremely tired.”

He smirks wickedly and Martín lets him pull him back into bed.

* * *

**II.**

The house in Toledo is big and draughty and Martín misses the monastery from the day they leave it. He and Andrés are in the room Sergio has dubbed the classroom, waiting for Sergio to finish going over the plan. This time tomorrow, the house will be filled with strangers, the people they’ve handpicked to help them pull off the heist of Sergio’s dreams.

“Finally, there’s the issue of identities,” Sergio says, pushing his glasses up his nose. “None of the others will know each other, they’ll be going into this as strangers, so we need to as well. That means as of tomorrow, none of us know each other.”

Martín clenches his jaw, exchanging a look with Andrés who is seated on the desk next to him.

“Sergio,” Martín starts, but Sergio shakes his head.

“No, Martín. This isn’t up for discussion, I’m sorry.” He glances at Andrés who is still sat placidly and nods, before walking out of the room.

Martín sighs and Andrés curls a hand around the back of his neck.

“It’ll be okay, mi amor,” he says, kissing Martín’s cheek. “We can pretend, it’s just for a couple of months.”

“Can we? Have you thought about what that will mean?” Martín asks. “It means the only time we’ll get to be ourselves is at night – if we can risk sneaking out. And what if we can’t? What then?”

Andrés shrugs. “Then they think we’re hooking up.”

“No. Your brother already tried to get rid of me once, I won’t risk him kicking me off the plan again!” Martín insists.

“What are you saying?”

“I’m saying… maybe it would be better if we really weren’t together. If we break up now, then neither of us can put Sergio’s plan at risk,” Martín says urgently.

“No,” Andrés says firmly. “Absolutely not. We don’t know what will happen in the mint, I’m not wasting the months before it not being with you.”

“But Sergio said –“ Martín starts and Andrés cuts him off.

“I say this with all the love in the world for my brother, but fuck him. And fuck his rules. Ramos is bringing his son, the two Serbians are cousins – why should we be the only ones who don’t know each other?” Andrés says. His dark eyes are fixed on Martín’s face and it suddenly strikes him that Andrés looks scared.

Martín nods. “I… okay. Alright. If you’re willing to argue with Sergio over this.”

Andrés smiles, a dark edge to the set of his mouth. “Martín, mi amor, I would do a lot more than argue with my brother to keep you.”

“Yeah?”

“Yes.”

* * *

**III.**

Martín has never experienced anything so close to hell on Earth as getting out of the mint. It’s dark and loud and his heart is beating so hard, he’s worried it’ll crack his ribcage.

“The police are coming, Berlin,” Martín shouts. “You need to go, now!”

The still healing bullet wound in his leg throbs and he feels it nearly give out, thinking about the uneven ground he’ll have to traverse in the tunnel.

“No,” Andrés growls, gun still clutched in his hand. “I’m not leaving without you.”

“Someone needs to stay, I’m injured, it should be me,” Martín insists, only for Andrés to drop the gun and grab him by the collar of his jumpsuit.

His hands are curled so tightly into the fabric that his knuckles have gone white and Martín can feel the tremors. “I’ll say this, once and only once. Either you and I leave here together, or I will die next to you. But you are not tearing us apart. I won’t let you,” Andrés insists.

Martín glances at Nairobi and Helsinki, who are standing behind Andrés, and openly staring at them.

“I’m serious, Martín,” Andrés says. “We have to go, so are we leaving or are we staying?”

“Palermo, Berlin, we need to leave, now!” Nairobi yells.

Andrés’ hands on his face, pull him away from Nairobi’s gaze. “Martín, please.”

It’s the closest Andrés has ever come to begging and that above all else makes Martín’s decision for him.

“Fuck,” he says. “Let’s go.”

Andrés drags him into a bruising kiss and then they’re running, Helsinki and Nairobi just behind them, Martín’s hand never letting go of Andrés’.

* * *

**IV.**

“Oh for fuck’s sake!” Martín swears, looking at the mess of engine parts strewn across the kitchen floor.

Andrés looks moderately guilty. “I’m sorry,” he offers insincerely and Martín scowls.

“Are you really? Because it seems more like you and that… beast have done this on purpose.”

Martín glares daggers at the large white cat that’s purring like an engine in Andrés’ arms.

“Michelangelo is not a beast, Martín, he’s a cat,” Andrés insists. Said cat purrs even louder and rubs his head against Andrés’ chin. “And Michelangelo is very sorry for what he did.”

“Is he?” Martín sneers. “Is he sorry for knocking all my stuff off the table?”

Andrés smiles. “Well, in his defence, he was chasing a butterfly.”

“Yeah, the butterfly was outside - on the other side of the window, Andrés.”

The cat meows and jumps out of Andrés’ arms, leaving him free to reel Martín into a hug.

“Aw, cariño, are you jealous?” he asks, pressing a kiss to the corner of Martín’s mouth.

Martín doesn’t resist, but doesn’t lean into it either. “No, I’m pissed. At you and that fucking cat.”

Andrés laughs and kisses him again.

“I hate you.”

“No, you don’t.”

“I’m breaking up with you.”

“No, you aren’t.”

“Get rid of Michelangelo.”

“Do I have to?”

Martín sighs. “No.”

“I love you,” Andrés says, kissing him again.

“Shut up.”

* * *

**\+ I**

“Andrés,” Martín hisses in the dark. “Andrés, wake up.”

Andrés groans, rolling over. “What?” he mumbles into his pillow.

“Andrés, I need to talk to you,” Martín insists.

“Can it wait until tomorrow?” he replies, eyes still shut.

Martín shakes his head. “No, please, Andrés.”

There’s a sigh and then Andrés sits up.

“I…” Martín starts. “I couldn’t sleep and it’s because I’ve been thinking… you deserve better. Better than I can give you, better than anything I have to offer. We should break up.”

Andrés blinks at him, then nods. “You’re right, this relationship can’t continue as it is.”

As much as Martín knows it’s the right thing to do, it feels like a cleaver has been taken to his chest. He nods and starts to move off the bed.

Andrés has rolled over onto his side and seems to be rummaging in his bedside table and Martín takes the opportunity to start pulling on clothes. Andrés’ voice stops him before he leaves the room.

“Where are you going?”

Martín sniffs, looking back at him. “You said –“

Andrés shakes his head. “I said that our relationship needs to change. We’re a little old to be calling each other boyfriends aren’t we? And partners seems so… business-like.”

“I don’t… I don’t understand,” Martín says and Andrés shrugs.

“I know you don’t, and this really wasn’t how I wanted to do this,” he says. “But, since you seem so intent on leaving me, I thought I might add another step, make it a little harder.”

“Andrés, what are you talking about?”

Andrés smiles and suddenly he’s kneeling on the bed in front of Martín, a gold ring in his hand.

“Martín, will you marry me?” he asks, as casually as if he’s asking him to feed the cat.

Martín gapes, jaw dropping. “Are you… are you serious?”

“Of course. I figured maybe you’ll not try and break up with me so often, if you have to divorce me to do it,” Andrés says and though he looks amused, his eyes and voice are serious. “Maybe you’ll believe that I’m here to stay, for as long as possible.”

Martín continues to stare and Andrés sighs, shifting on the bed.

“Martín, if you’re going to say no, could you do it a bit faster?”

Martín shakes his head, reaching out for the ring. “Of course I’m saying yes, Andrés. As if I’d ever say no, you son of a bitch.”

“Not quite the endearment I expected when I propose, but I’ll take it,” Andrés says, grinning from ear to ear as he helps Martín slide the ring onto his finger.

“Shut up,” Martín says, crawling back onto the bed and practically into Andrés’ lap. “I love you so much.” Andrés kisses him and Martín lets him, losing himself in his arms.

“I know,” Andrés says eventually, hands stroking Martín’s waist. “I don’t think you’d try and break up with me nearly as often, if you didn’t.”

**Author's Note:**

> okay i know his was shit but maybe leave kudos/comments anyway or you can scream at me on tumblr ([@hefellfordean](https://hefellfordean.tumblr.com)) or twitter ([@angstypalermo](https://twitter.com/angstypalermo)) if you like


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